Male privilege is “I have a boyfriend” being the only thing that can actually stop someone from hitting on you because they respect another male-bodied person more than they respect your rejection/lack of interest.
The Sociological Cinema
There was actually research that was done that found that women who used an “I have a boyfriend/husband” excuse to reject unwanted sexual attention and harassment by their bosses were more likely to be left alone than those who used any other excuse (including “I’m not interested”)
She is basic looking.
She is basically looking,
for you in her dream,
for noise in her scream.
It’s not her fault,
she likes too much salt,
in whatever she eats.
She judges everyone she meets.
But loves them anyway.
And when you’ve had her,
you need her to stay.
Day 1: Recognize the problem.
Pinch your under-boob fat.
Complain you want to be back to the weight you were when you were 18.
He’ll say, “Then do something about it.”
That night, resist the urge to buy a brownie sundae.
Day 2: Denial and frustration.
Spend the afternoon drafting a workout plan.
Bring it home, proud you have a game plan.
He revises it: more cardio, more planks, more than 20 minutes.
Bitch that twenty minutes is enough and you hate cardio.
Day 3: Beast mode.
Buy protein bar.
Put on sports bra and stretch seductively in front of him.
Do each exercise to maximum capacity, boasting it’s easy.
Day 4: Self-pity and muscle pain.
Cry because your ankles hurt.
Wince every time you sit down and stand up.
Scream at him when he tells you to go faster.
Apologize for complaining so much. Shut up for the night.
Day 5: Acceptance.
Beg for cheese danish at the grocery store, get denied.
Unload the reusable bags: seltzer water, fruit, granola,
yellow rice with 40% less sodium.
Admire him season the chicken, substituting the salt with something healthier.